When we struggle to care for our children’s problems with bullies in a progressive way, what can we expect?

Some of the common problems that us parents face…

• How should I talk to my child being bullied?
• Should I talk to his his teacher?
• When should we change schools?
• What perspective should I take with the problem?
• How can I as a parent positively manage the situation into a win win? Where do I begin?

Our children are likely to grow up to be inward and very reclusive, not necessarily introspective, but more recluse and asocial unless the bullying is dealt with well. Therefore if bullying isn’t addressed properly with peace and values, it becomes a problem much later in life because children don’t know how to interact and communicate with others.

How would you approach your child with their bullying problem?

A new dialogue with a child is needed. One that is very free & open to your child. Not exaggerating the issue but rather addressing the importance of it. In our 20 years experience we have seen many bullied children become reclusive and fall into undesirable paths in life because they already have had troubles in their interactions with other children previously.

As parents we often know the signs such as social anxiety with our children. Often our children’s communication with us may not be very nice. This is even more reason to have an open dialogue and conversation in areas that may not have been covered in the past. Who we are as parents and how we act makes a big difference to our children. If our attitude is peaceful and loving it will make a significant impact.

How can our children share their feelings and emotions with us as parents?

This expression of emotions must be done in full confidence and trust to the parents’ dialogue. The accumulation of frustration and traumatic situations emotionally are often bottled up but they should not stay inside. We must consider another side — our children. As parents we need to be truly open and frank, without any preconceived notions ourselves while being empathic and without blaming, without creating a crisis ourselves.

How can we listen to our child properly, understand them and try to find the solutions?

This is very important. For us as parents to see the crisis from the perspective of the child — not based on our interpretation but rather based on what our children are feeling. To walk that journey with them. Because our interpretation becomes messy and entangled with our own fears and not to emotionalise the situation and lose clarity. Therefore we are not able to provide a proper solution to our child because we are not really attending to the experience of our child but rather adding our parental emotional input, so we end up making mistakes.

As parents we must see the issue from our children’s point of view. We can often create a crisis situation without meaning to and it could lead to panic in our children. So let’s face the situation as it is, so not to exaggerate the situation, but see the situation as it is with the focus not as a parent sees and feels, but as a child and then we will be properly able to help the child in a very calm and gentle way.

In this short video Anupam and Christine talk through what you can expect from a parenting workshop.

Please sign up here to our 45 minute taster workshop designed to help the parents of children being bullied right now. They run the first and third Saturday of every month at 10am UK time online.

Written on behalf of Dr Christine Jaminon and Anupam Prémanand. With 20 years experience working with children and parents.